let it burn

As a kid I loved sports and sporty activities. I used to climb trees, run around and swam almost every day. I also liked P.E. lessons. It was fun, relaxed sports. There were no winners or losers, we hardly kept score. I don’t remember being particularly good at anything, but I wasn’t awful either and most importantly I enjoyed it.

Then something changed. I started hating sports. I hated when we had to pick teams and compete against each other. I was always the shortest (I’m barely 154cm now that I’m all grown up) and when you’re a pre-teen or teenager size differences are huge… I remember having to run hurdles the same height as everyone else and ending up with bruised and bloody knees; I just could not get over those damn things.

Because I felt intimidated by competitive sports, I started avoiding it which of course made things worse as I didn’t get any practice. When I finally got out of school I felt I was free, nobody could force me to do things I did not want to so I didn’t exercise for several years.

When I was 24 I decided to join a gym. I thought I could ease myself into it, do it at my own pace but since I paid for it I would also be motivated to go so as not to be wasting my money. Half a year later everyone at the office I worked at signed up for a half marathon. Me, running 21km in one go? The teenage me would’ve had a heart attack just thinking about it.

I was sure I was going to die on the day of the marathon so I trained hard. Probably too hard. At first it was torture getting out of the house and go for a run in freezing, slippery conditions but I forced it. At the end of my 3 months training I remember running a 1.5hr session on a dark and rainy evening and on the last stretch before home I laughed out loud because I was enjoying myself so much. The feeling when I finally crossed the finish line at the half marathon was unbelievable—pure joy and pride.

Since then I’ve kept training moderately. I go to the gym, go for runs and go to dance lessons. I’ve found that sports is fun, as long as I feel I am not forced into it. It’s still difficult to get myself off the couch and outside, but it’s well worth it. I've learnt to enjoy that feeling when I reach home after a sweaty jog and that burn that I feel in my muscles as I stretch them out.

“When you feeling ain’t the same and your body don’t want to

But you know gotta let it go cause the party ain’t jumpin’ like it used to

Even though this might bruise you

Let it burn

Let it burn

Gotta let it burn”

          (Burn, Usher)