compliments

Compliments are difficult. Yes, they make you smile when you give them or receive them, but still they are not that straight forward. I’ve noticed I’ve become worse at compliments, both giving and receiving. I will look at someone and think of a compliment but might not say it out loud. Even more puzzling is when I find myself making excuses when someone compliments me:

That shirt you said looks good on me is just an old rag I found in the closet.

When you say you had a nice chat I’m sorry I was just rambling on and on about my stuff.

You congratulate me for finishing a project just before the deadline and I say I just had to pull something together, I hope it’s good enough.

I wonder why is belittling my efforts, my looks or my personality easier than saying thank you. It could well be culture related; the Hollywood movie “OMG, I LOOOOVE your outfit” just doesn’t fit in the Finnish environment (especially since love is such a big word in Finnish, more thoughts on that in a later blog post). Over the top compliments sound fake and do little to boost someone’s confidence. And there you have it: confidence. It takes confidence to encourage someone else, and it takes confidence to admit to yourself that you are worth that compliment.

So here’s what I need to work on:

• Give compliments when they are due but not too often, it makes people suspicious
• Avoid superlatives, no one buys that
• Appreciate it when someone gives you a compliment –it could be just as difficult to them as it is to you
• Be gracious when receiving compliments, say thank you like you mean it and no excuses!