made up

“Pretty hurts, we shine the light on whatever’s worst

Perfection is a disease of a nation, pretty hurts, pretty hurts

…We try to fix something but you can’t fix what you can’t see

It’s the soul that needs the surgery”

                                            (Pretty Hurts, Beyonce)

My favourite thing when I was little was to play at my grandma’s makeup table. I’d arrange all the makeup, jewellery, hairspray, rollers and perfumes into different drawers. Then, once they were in perfect order, I’d put on eyeshadow and try on shades of red lipstick and matching jewellery, spray a bit of perfume and pretend I was a posh lady.

Despite this, I was a little late with makeup as a teenager. All the girls in my class were already wearing make up by the time I realized it was the “cool” thing to do. So I started waking up earlier to make sure I had enough time to apply my make up before heading to school. It became a ritual, I would not leave the house before I had makeup on.

This continued all through university and all the way up until I was 24 and met my boyfriend. At that point I still felt uncomfortable leaving the house without makeup. It wasn’t until he pointed out to me (several times) how unnecessary it is that I started realising what a waste of time it was. I resisted at first, I felt I had to presentable at all times. But slowly I started cutting down. I gave up the eyeliner first, then eye shadow and so on... Instead of using 5 different products daily, I started using just the bare minimum. Now, instead of spending time on it, I slap it on in a few minutes and I’m good to go. I sometimes even put it on in the train or in the car on my way somewhere instead of wasting time on it at home. It still makes me feel comfortable when I have it on, but it's not such a big deal if I don't.

When I look at girls or women who have layered on so much makeup they look like dolls, I am glad I don’t have to do that. I am happy I am no longer 16 and can be comfortable enough to pop out to run some errands without makeup or a carefully thought out outfit on. I do not want to look like I’m ready for a wild night out in town on a Tuesday morning ( – it makes my Saturday night makeup look ordinary). It also takes so much effort to look “perfect” all the time because it needs constant upkeep and it’s never enough.

I still enjoy dressing up and taking time to prepare myself for a special occasion. But that’s the point, it makes it even more special when I make an effort and look different from my "normal" self. The difference is, now I don’t feel uncomfortable without makeup and it does not define me –it’s just a tool. Makeup used to be a confidence boost I couldn’t live without, now too much makeup just signifies a lack of confidence behind those layers and layers of blusher, fake lashes and perfect pout.