call me maybe?

 “Hey I just met you

And this is crazy
But here's my number
So call me maybe”

               (Call me maybe, Carly Rae Jepsen)

When you first meet a person they are a stranger to you. You meet them a few times and they become an acquaintance and perhaps if you meet them enough they become a friend.

There are different ways of making friends. When moving to a new city or going to uni it’s almost like speed dating. You meet tons of people so you have to be quick; you find out if you have similar interest, change contact details and arrange something for the next day. Or you invite everyone in the room to a party you’re having this weekend. You also lose touch with them very quickly if you don’t see them enough or if they don’t make an effort to see you soon enough. This is what I’ve come across in the international circles; everyone is new and might only be here for a year or two so you’ve got to make a quick dash at making friends as soon as possible.

When I moved to Finland this technique didn’t apply anymore. Since I was studying a Masters degree, most people were working already, almost everyone was settled, had a home and a circle of friends they might’ve had for years. Same thing when I started working. It’s not easy to infiltrate a network. I have to meet a person several times in different social events before I feel comfortable enough to ask if they want to meet up for coffee. (Of course this is how I feel, I doubt anyone would be offended if I suggested it sooner.)

Both ways have their pros and cons. The speedy way creates a large network very quickly, but it might falter very fast and the friendships might not be as meaningful. The infiltration method takes a long time, but it’s very rewarding since the friendships built slowly are stronger in the end.